Duke Nukem Forever (Old Review)

So after the fantastic Duke Nukem 3D, we got news of its sequel Duke Nukem Forever, we waited in anticipation, then it got delayed and cancelled for many years until Gearbox Studios decided to just get the game made. After many years of development it was finally released and everyone was…absolutely disappointed, it was a game that let a lot of fans down, but what do I think about it?

Since the alien invasion twelve years ago Duke Nukem continues to be a huge star, from having his own casino to his own restaurant, but the aliens who were defeated in Duke Nukem 3D return, the President tells Duke not to do anything hectic, or anything at all as he wants to make peace with the same aliens who wanted to destroy the human race twelve years ago, no questions asked…WHAT? You can tell that this doesn’t make any sense, and poor writing. Anyway, the aliens attack the human race…AGAIN and kidnap women…AGAIN, the same plan, again.

If you read my Duke Nukem 3D review, I listed the weapons featured in the game, in Forever, you get the exact same weapons, the only new weapon you get are some laser gun and a rocket gun from the aliens. The Railgun from the Earth Defence Force, allies of Duke, is actually very useful for enemies far away.

The weapons feel great though and each can be used for different objectives which make the game fun, yes, fun, I’ll get to that later. My only problem is that you can only use two weapons at a time and even Duke mentions that. The developers said that trying to make a weapon choice selection screen would be difficult, I call that complete nonsense since many other games gave you a chance to use more than two weapons at a time; GTA and Far Cry 2 are examples, so I feel there are no excuses.

As for medipacks, they don’t exist in this game, like most FPSes today, you have a ‘duck and cover and you’ll get better’ type of health, well kind of, you see your health bar is called Ego, when you interact with things your Ego increases, when in battle, if your ego decreases you die, but the funny thing is that the developers try to hide the fact that it’s nothing new with the health system except for the interaction of stuff to increase your Ego. I heard people hated this Ego, but since I’ve played recent shooters it didn’t bother me.

As well as the same steroids to make you stronger you now get Beer. Chug up and you’ll become invincible and punch aliens to pieces, fun stuff. The funny thing is that even though Duke is this ultimate bad ass, he drinks one beer and gets completely plastered, a normal average man could take 4 or 5 beers to get drunk, but for Duke…1? The enemies are practically the same too, some have been updated for the new graphics, they look cool and are more challenging to shoot, but there are some new enemies that I find horrible.

Now we come to the level I hated the most (and in fact most gamers hated), The Hive. This is disgusting, dark, depressing, and just down right disturbing, remember those kidnapped women I was talking about? Well they’re here and trapped in ooze, literally bursting into tears as they there being impregnated by these aliens and when they hatch out, they explode, when you need to open doors they look like…butt holes, which turns on Duke, WHAT? There are the Pregnators who are in the shape of man’s private parts who unleash…’mayo?’ on your face and the icing on the cake of doom is the wall boobs, with the developers telling you that you can slap them as women don’t like it when you slap theirs, WHAT? Clearly these developers had no girlfriends in their lives, I know it’s harsh but WHY WALL BOOBS? I enjoyed the game until this level turned up and I feel so bad playing the game, that’s how disgusting the level is.

The graphics are…very dated. It looked like a PlayStation 2 game lazily remastered for the PlayStation 3, it’s kind of tacky in places, especially non-playable characters and I did find some weird things around that raised an eyebrow or two, you can tell that this was a rushed job just to get a game finished. The story isn’t interesting in the slightest, yeah the story in Duke Nukem 3D was wafer thin, but Forever feels like a sequel stuck in a remake department, the jokes aren’t funny at all, but a few quotes from Duke Nukem are quite humorous.

Some of the bosses in the game are stupidly easy, except for that boss in the Hoover dam and the Octaking round 2 if you don’t know what you’re doing, the final boss is the boss from Level 1 and it’s stupidly easy, there was no challenge to it. Overall, it’s not bad, in fact it’s actually quite fun in most places, it’s not the best shooter but it’s got some elements of the classic game, and I mean 1% of it. I think fans wanted something extraordinary, but after many FPSes came and went giving us many new things to do what could you do at this point.

The levels aren’t that bad, except for that Hive level, the story is not interesting; all the characters aren’t interesting either. The game contains rude, offensive, stupid and disgusting content that makes Duke Nukem 3D look tame by comparison and I don’t like some of it, some are funny but all it is to me is just a game that wants your attention for the wrong reasons.

The biggest problem with the game is the loading times, it’s far too long, lasting over a minute, when you start a level, long loading times, when you die, long loading times, I hate dying in his game just because I have to wait a minute to try again. Duke Nukem isn’t that cool anymore, previously portrayed as a silly parody of action heroes like Ash from the Evil Dead series and Arnold Swarzenegger, now someone trying to be a bad ass, spouting out dated movie and Internet phrases with a dash of unfunny pop culture references, although sometimes he can be funny, but then he says phrases that make him very strange and not all there.

He drinks Beer and gets drunk after ONE CAN! When running for a short period of time he loses his breath like he’s an asthmatic (possibly due to the cigars) and picks up brown stuff from the toilet to paint walls with, it’s like the developers didn’t even know what he was supposed to be. I like the game play even though it’s nothing special, I like the weapons and that’s about it, its story, graphics and its jokes are dated, this was a game that should have been released earlier.

Apparently Gearbox Software is developing a reboot Duke Begins, and now for the waiting game………………………… But Interceptor Entertainment, the developers who remade Rise of the Triads are developing a remake of Duke Nukem 3D, but even that’s delayed and stopped, and now for the waiting game…………………….

You can get it on the PC, PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360.

Rating: 3/5


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